• Home
  • About
    • About Fii
    • The kit
  • Disclaimer
    • Disclaimer
    • Privacy Policy
  • Work with me
  • Modelling

Fiixii

February 12, 2015 lifestyle•personal

50 Shades of No.

50 Shades of Grey, the movie, is released tomorrow and it’s making me ill. 

Ok that may be a slight exaggeration, but honestly, I am not loving the fact that possibly one of the worst books around for condoning rape culture and manipulative relationships is being touted as a must see Valentine’s Day movie. Or the fact it got turned into a movie at all, but hey, money.

Basically:  Yes, I’m boycotting.

But instead of just throwing that out there, I thought I’d go into a bit (or a lot) of detail about why the series written by E.L James is something that brings me out in hives, and makes me want to burn things. And why it definitely shouldn’t be anywhere near the list of #relationshipGoals, or seen as an accurate insight into the world of BDSM relationships. I’m always up for a great discussion so I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this too.

[trigger warnings for talking about abusive relationships and rape]

Abusive / manipulative relationships?

I’m glad to say that in the past few years a spotlight has been shone on abuse in relationships, how to recognise it, how to help, and just generally talking about it. 50SoG sort of… undermines all that. Not even sort of, actually. It just does. The number of times Christian Grey makes Ana feel like she will be disappointing him in some way if she does not comply with his wishes, or that he will leaver her, is ridiculous. It makes my skin crawl. Why? Because this is all tied up with a neat little bow and shoved under Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. 

That is not a D/s relationship. That is abuse. 

image from the6thsiren

It’s explicitly stated that the character Anastasia is shy, and has trouble expressing herself openly, something that a lot of people can relate to. It’s hard to say no when you want to please someone, lots of us feel very uncomfortable if we do something that may upset. The character of Christian is very aware of Ana’s shy demeanour, and uses it to his advantage. There are many instances when he threatens her, acts violently (in a non consensual way) towards her, and manipulates her into doing what he wants when she is questioning it. There are also constant reminders to Christian’s ‘troubled’ past and how Ana would be a very terrible person if she were to not relate that to his current behaviour.  I’m glossing, but the amount of emotional abuse portrayed in this book is disgusting.

I’ve been lucky enough in my life to have never personally experienced an abusive romantic relationship, but I’ve been in abusive friendships, and the signs are there. Abuse should never be romanticised. 

image from the6thsiren

Consent / Rape Culture:

There is very little continual, definite consent in the relationship portrayed by 50SoG, even though the importance of consent is written in the book. The whole idea is consistently undermined: ‘screw the contract’; Ana isn’t allowed to explore the world Christian drags her into on her own, she must do so under his direction, when she’s had no prior sexual experience*; Ana is, quite frankly. forced to do a hell of a lot she knows very little about. 

It makes for uncomfortable reading. When Ana isn’t sure, says no, or forgets the safe word and becomes distressed, he forces sex on her. If that isn’t the    a c t u a l    act of rape then I don’t know what is.  I get that this book is supposed to be shocking and overtly sexual, exploring an area of kink where force, submission and pain are wanted in a relationship – but the lack of continual consent isn’t sexy. The fact that people are applauding this as a representation of BDSM relationships (where consent is key, continual, and valued) makes my stomach churn. 

I keep mentioning ‘continual consent’, don’t I?  Well that’s probably because I think it’s extremely important in any sort of relationship. If you don’t want to do something, no one should have the power to force you to do it, even during what you’re doing. Just because you’ve started doesn’t mean you have to finish if you’re feeling violated, hurt, or unsafe. 

Something that 50SoG tosses out of the window.

The fact that so many people see this book as an ‘ideal’, or see Christian Grey as some dapper motherfucker here to sweep you off your feet, makes me worried that the steps a lot of people have taken to alert and change the consistent allowance of rape culture in society are being undone. 

It’s just not cool. 

*I’ll just clarify here that there is nothing wrong with being sexually inexperienced. I want to stress that it is incredibly important to be allowed to learn about your likes and dislikes regarding your own pleasure at your own pace.

image from the6thsiren

There are multiple other reasons why I cannot stomach the thought of 50SoG becoming a box office smash hit, which have been outlined brilliantly by other people hereherehere and here, but these two points are things I think are probably the most damaging for society. Romanticising either of these, quite frankly disgusting, acts – pushing them as desirable qualities in a partner, is so damaging.  If I were dating someone like Christian Grey, or even wanted to date someone like him, my family and my friends would be extremely worried. 

I will admit that the 50 Shades franchise has brought about some incredible memes, title puns, some enlightened advertising campaigns, and a fractionally more relaxed view on womens erotica, but in my eyes, that’s about it. The parodies though, are hilarious.

You?

♥

connect with me: bloglovin | instagram | twitter

Reader Interactions

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    February 12, 2015 at 7:57 pm

    I love this post Fii but I'm quite sad that this has even had to be written. The book is disgusting, quite frankly, with it's portrayal of BDSM and relationships in general and I'm really glad to see that the stars of the movie are insulting it (as best as they can that is) in interviews. I've written essays upon essays about various parts of the book – Ana, Grey, their relationship… Too much that I care to admit, really, but I won't put any of that here.tl;dr I hate this franchise and it all needs to burn because it's horrible and I hate that EL James has made money off of this //abominationChantel | chanteldione.blogspot.co.ukxo

    Reply
    • Fii Cridland says

      February 12, 2015 at 8:04 pm

      I live for the actresses and actors of disgusting franchises making digs at the franchise. I'm honestly so confused at how people can say this series of 'literature' (lightly using that term, since I could hardly wade through the writing) is a great portrayal of a relationship because 'she consented at the start' etc etc. tTy for adding your two cents though 🙂 xo

      Reply
  2. Sera Brand says

    February 12, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    I personally never read the book, but have heard about the hype. Really interesting post to read! Thank for sharing.xx Sera | STARDUSTBOHEMIAN.COM(IG: @TheStardustBohemian)

    Reply
    • Fii Cridland says

      February 12, 2015 at 9:29 pm

      Thank you for reading! I read the books during the initial hype stage and was very underwhelmed. Not the best, really, aah. Fii x

      Reply
  3. Serene Kurd says

    February 13, 2015 at 1:04 am

    I can't say I've read the books or want to watch the Film, very unappealing for me hehe!Serene xoxohttp://www.imserenel.wordpress.com

    Reply
    • Fii Cridland says

      February 14, 2015 at 3:33 pm

      It's not something I'm an advocate of – to be fair to the books they are hilarious, if you ever wanted to pick them up!Fii x

      Reply
  4. Caz says

    February 16, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    You have just broken millions of desperate mid 50's housewives' hearts with this post 🙂 I know what you mean, as we've discussed this the other day with the ladies on Twitter. Abusive relationships are a no-go and should not be glossed over at all. This isn't about love and respect for each other but total domination and slavery to some extend. I've never got into the books (not even close to the topic) bc it is horrible written and a shame for the literary world. Caz | Lunch Break Adventures

    Reply
    • Fii Cridland says

      February 16, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      It was that chat that really inspired me to write this, and I totally agree with everything you've said there and here. Ehhhhhh hearts will mend, that's the least of my worries!xo

      Reply
  5. Florence Grace says

    February 25, 2015 at 12:26 am

    Love this post and TOTALLY agree with all points made!! You've put them across so well! xx

    Reply
    • Fii Cridland says

      February 25, 2015 at 11:56 pm

      Ahh thank you Flo! xo

      Reply
Previous Fashion Week for First Timers
Next Baking Adventures: Valentines Heart Cake

You mights also like

food

3 Berry Good ways to have summer fruits

READ THE POST
baking adventures

Baking Adventures: Valentines Heart Cake

READ THE POST
culture/commentary

Clubs in Seoul: The Rundown

READ THE POST
lifestyle

21 Things I Don’t Understand

READ THE POST

fiixii

Seoul - fashion & skincare
f2 Visa
freelance model (published)
한국어로 괜찮아요 contact/ 촬영 문의: DM or email

Fii 🐶 style inspo & kbeauty
#협찬 Using the right sunscreen for your skin ty #협찬 Using the right sunscreen for your skin type is *drum roll* actually very important -- and I'm not just talking about SPF levels for different skin tones. 

Choosing the right sunscreen helps to avoid irritation, breakouts, and makes you more likely to apply it regularly, which gives your skin the best chance at avoiding things like melanoma (skin cancer) and premature aging. 

Determining your skin type >>
For me, finding my skin type was super easy. S E N S I T I V E. I'm horrifically eczema prone (have a whole series on my blog about this), and lean towards a routine that is simple but hydrating, staying away from too many actives. It's the reason I take forever to put up skincare reviews, because I have to check for reactions, or develop contact dermatitis from different ingredients. 

BUT - that's not all. See, I lean towards Sensitive-dry, which is why my skin care, and my sun care, focuses more on hydrating products. 

What determines your skin type? How much oil (sebum) your skin produces daily. 

Dry >> 
Does your skin feel tight? Less elastic?  Does it become rough or flaky easily? Dehydrated? Not a lot of shine in your T-zone? Then your skin type is probably dry. 

Oily >>
Do you get really shiny during the day? (Especially in your t-zone) Do you suffer from (manageable*) breakouts, blackheads and/or whiteheads? Then your skin type is probably oily. 

Normal >> 
Is your skin neither oily throughout the day, and doesn't feel dry, or tight, or often irritated? Your pores aren't too noticeable, and you rarely have breakouts? Then your skin is probably normal! Lucky you :) 

Combination >>
Are you oily in your t-zone (forehead, nose, chin) and dry or normal skin on your cheeks? Then you have combination skin <3. It's a little harder to care for, because you're often trying to battle with contrasting products 
(my tip: you're gonna want a sunscreen that's suitable for 'all skin types' ;))

So, now you know more about skin types, scroll through for my picks for each, and my current favourite sun screen <3 

Let me know your skin type AND your current sun screen in the comments below, and don't forget to #applysunscreenaddprotection <3
벛꽃 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

📍 @seoulism_official 

☁️ ☀️ ☁️ ☀️ 
#벛꽃🌸 #seoulkorea #seoultravel #서울벚꽃 #잠실 #visitseoul
#협찬 Q: what’s the most important skincare s #협찬  Q: what’s the most important skincare step?
Fii’s answer: SUNSCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is a question i get asked quite a bit, and my answer has been the same for ages. The step in my skincare I absolutely never skip is: sunscreen. 

So I’m really excited to be taking part in @wishtrend ‘s #ASAPchallenge: #applysunscreenaddprotection 😊 This challenge is to help build the habit of applying sunscreen DAILY for 5 weeks. It takes 28 days to form a habit.. so let’s do this together ^^ 

There are some great perks for wishtrend users for taking part with me too! For everyone who posts content during this challenge, you get 1,000 wishtrend points and 3 promo codes to pick up your favourite wishtrend products 😊 And!! we get to protect our skin from sun damage and early signs of aging 😚

what do you say? 
Also what’s your ‘never skip’ skincare step? 

☁️ ☀️ ☁️ ☀️ 
#wishtrend #koreansunscreen #sunscreen #spf #nurilounge #선케어 #kbeautyroutine #kbeautyblogger
월요팅 💪🏻 감사합니당 @jssa0_1 📷 월요팅 💪🏻 

감사합니당 @jssa0_1 📷 

⛅️ ☁️ ⛅️ 

#whatfiiwore #seoulfashionweek #styleinspiration #y2kaesthetic #softaesthetic #서울패션위크 #스타일 #여자스트릿패션 #외국인모델
lol but ghostly 

감사합니다 @_inho.w 

☁️ ⛅️ 
#서울패션위크 #외국인모델 #촬영문의dm #seoulfashionweek #whatfiiwore #styleinspo
when will my prince return from war 🙃🥲

☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ 🌧️ 
#한복스냅 #한복대여 #한복드레스 #한복촬영 #외국인모델 #seoultravel #seoulkorea #hanbokkorea #hanbokdress #hanbokrental #공가는여우 #패션위크 #촬영문의dm #촬영모델 #whatfiiwore #princesscore #princessaesthetic
hands up if you like cafes! 🙌🏻 hands up if y hands up if you like cafes! 🙌🏻 hands up if you like cafes with cute mascots 🙌🏻🤭🤭🤭 

then i have a cafe recommendation for you~~ 

this cute (deceptively large) place is @for_tourists_dotori_garden by Anguk station, and i had a great afternoon enjoying the atmosphere with great company and great baked goods and i’m not at all noting the aesthetics for my own future cafe 🤭

꿀팁 - if you search 분좋카 on instagram then you’ll find a bunch of very aesthetic cafes around seoul that all have a great atmosphere (분•위기 좋•은 카•페 = 분좋카) ❤️❤️ 

📌 dotori garden // 도토리가든 
🗺️ 서울 종로구 계동길 19-8 1층

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ ⛅️ 
#2023GlobalSeoulMate #2023GSM #VisitSeoul #SeoulYouniverse #Seoul #Korea #SeoulTourismOrganization #2023글로벌서울메이트 #서울관광재단 #서울 #분좋카 #분좋카추천 #seoulcafe #서울카페
changing room mirror selfies and a tiny headed bea changing room mirror selfies and a tiny headed bear. 🐻 

(yay for no winter coat weather) 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

#패션룩 #whatfiiwore #패션코디 #패션모델 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #룩북모델 #룩스타 #룩스타스램 #옷스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타그램daily #패션블로거 #촬영문의 #데일리룩 #데일리룩코디 #외국인모델 #stylehunters #stylefiles #ig_korea #fashionkorea #stylebloggers
{ #ad #협찬 #gifted } Vegan skincare is on the r { #ad #협찬 #gifted }
Vegan skincare is on the rise, and I received these beautiful Vegan Lip Butters from @melixirskincare_kr ❤️
Melixir is vegan, sustainable, and cruelty free, that has a range of products that are great for sensitive skin like mine :) 

I’m absolutely loving the easy wearability of “04 Dewy Rose”, and the agave infused formula is great for my lips (guess who doesn’t drink enough water…). 

“05 Red Velvet” is a buildable red, that isn’t too harsh or bright for those days you want a little colour, but don’t want to faff about with lip liners ❤️

📌 you can find melixir products at Amazon (worldwide), or if you’re in Korea, Olive Young and Melixir’s website ❤️

What’s your favourite lip product these days? 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

#melixir_veganskincare #melixir #멜릭서 #veganskincare #veganlipbutter #crueltyfreeskincare #veganproducts #스킨케어 #skincarereview #beautyreview #koreanskincare #kbeautyreview #kbeautyroutine #kbeautyblogger
👸 👑 (hanbok from @palace.fox - my #1 rec f 👸 👑 

(hanbok from @palace.fox - my #1 rec for hanbok rental ❤️) 

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ 
#한복대여 #한복드레스 #한복스타그램 #한복스냅 #whatfiiwore #hanbokkorea #hanbokdress #hanbokrental #palacefox #데일리원피스 #경복궁한복대여 #visitseoul #스타일 #여성한복 #visitkorea #princessaesthetic #princesscore #princesscoreaesthetic #softgirlaesthetic #softgirlstyle #궁가는여우
we went blonde 💅👸 ☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ # we went blonde 💅👸 

☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ 

#whatfiiwore
#협찬 #광고 skincare for glowing skin when yo #협찬 #광고  skincare for glowing skin when you don’t have time for extensive routines? i’m loving the @klairs.global fundamental line :) 

named because it’s formulated to take care of your skin’s fundamental needs, this is a great line to reach for when you’re busy, or just need something simple to satisfy your skin. 

cream: 
the fundamental water gel cream is super light weight for easy absorption into the skin. it’s packed with green tea for vitamin e, antioxidants and calming, which with the way my eczema has been recently i def need.

mist: 
the fundamental ampule mist os a great product to have to top up when your skin is feeling dry, or as layered with 7 skins. it’s got so many nutrients to make your skin feel refreshed and hydrated. 

eye cream
i’m always a bit hmm over eye creams that don’t have actives (like retinol or derivatives) but i’ve been reading about the benefits of using peptides for the under-eye area specifically and i’m not saying the results are magic, but i’ve seen an improvement when i’ve been using peptide formulated products in that area. so. jury is still out but i’m not mad. 
#the formula of this cream is also super thick and creamy so it feels really nourishing 😇🫶 

overall it’s been a great experience so far, and it’s definitely made me remember why i liked klairs products way back when i started blogging ❤️

products courtesy of @wishtrend via @nurilounge.official ❤️❤️

#skincare #kbeauty #kskincare #skincarereels #veganbeauty #veganskincare #dearklairs #스킨케어 #dearklairs #klairs #skincare #kbeauty #kbrand #nurilounge #mynurilounge
✨ fiicore ✨ the princess / abandoned castle ✨ fiicore ✨ 

the princess / abandoned castle vibes are strong here

⛅️ ☁️ clouds

#reels #reelstrend #reelstrends #coreaesthetic #princesscore #princesscoreaesthetic #softgirlaesthetic #softgirl
things i carry on the daily: 💼 @marhen.j kai things i carry on the daily: 

💼 @marhen.j  kai bag in urban black 
beauty products 
@romandyou waterfit cushion 
@keepintouch_makeup jelly lip plumper in bloody wine 
@espoir_makeup water splash cica tone up sun cream 

ipad cover is from @from.pick 

not pictured: work badge -,-, lip balm, assorted receipts 😅

🐰 🐰 🐰 🐰 
#stylereels #whatsinmybag #whatsinmybagtoday #marhenj #마르헨제이 #스타일링 #가방스타그램 #패션블로거 #패션블로그 #패션스타그램 #fashionstyle #fashionreels #fashionreelscreator #fashionstylereels
새해 복 많이 바드세용~ 🐰 happy lunar 새해 복 많이 바드세용~ 
🐰 
happy lunar new year from me and the floof and the personal growth we’ve been doing so far this month ☺️😊😌

🐰 🐰 🐰 
#corgisofinstagram #웰시코기 #웰코 #웰시코기그램 #corgistagram #corgisrule #corgigram #corgipost #코기러브
i don’t do these challenges but this was one cut i don’t do these challenges but this was one cute 

☁️ #reelschallenge
#kawaikutegomen #고멘챌린지 #릴스댄스 #릴스챌린지
pov: you’re cafe hopping in seoul ❤️ tell pov: you’re cafe hopping in seoul ❤️ 

tell me a place and a time and i’ll come to hang out ❤️🥰 

📍 cafe seongbukro/ @seongbukro 
it’s beautiful~~~ 

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ 
#cafetour #cafétour #seoulcafe #seoulcafehopping #whatfiiwore 
#서울카페 #서울카페추천 #카페릴스 #retroaesthetic
finally got a silky wrap skirt and it makes me fee finally got a silky wrap skirt and it makes me feel like i’m about to go to barre again 🩰 

skirt @dollsattitude 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

 #whatfiiwore #패션그램 #패션코디 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타 #패션블로그 #패션블로거 #오오티디 #데일리룩 #옷스타그램 #cottagecoreaeathetic #softgirlstyle #fashionkorea #옷스타그램daily #wearingtoday #ootdpost #outfitblog #outfitidea #todayiwore #mystylediary #mylooktoday #discoverunder7k #dollsattitude
2022 was uh… a year (if u saw me trying to pos 2022 was uh… a year 

(if u saw me trying to post this already, no u didn’t 😂😂🤡🤡🤡🤡) 

☁️ ⛅️ ⛅️ ☁️ 
#2022년 #2023 #2022roundup
when ur as excited for coffee as u are for christm when ur as excited for coffee as u are for christmas and also music show broadcasts bc i am that girl now 😌😌😌😌😌 u only live once and all ✌️ 
merry holidays i hope ur day is merry and bright ⛄️ 

☁️ ⛅️ ⛅️ 🌧️ 

#크리스마스 #크리스마스코디 #whatfiiwore #성북동카페 #데일리코디 #데일리룩코디 #일상옷 #패션그램 #패션코디 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타 #패션블로그 #패션블로거 #오오티디 #데일리룩 #옷스타그램 #stylehunters #fashionkorea #옷스타그램daily #whattowear #유튜버  #wearingtoday #ootdpost  #atinyselcaday #에이티니
Load More Follow on Instagram

Watch more

Join the List

Search

Copyright © fiixii 2023 Fiixii
  • About
  • Work with me!
  • Disclaimer
Theme by SheShoppes