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Fiixii

February 21, 2016 lifestyle•personal

I have no idea what I’m doing

deskspace flat lay

There’s something really cathartic about writing down thoughts and feelings for people on the internet to somewhat relate to. The process goes like this: conceive an idea, tap black keys with white letters to make black letters appear on white pages, backspace, shape thoughts into sentences and sentences into paragraphs that sit quiet but content, as I sit quiet and content and try to gather my feelings after finishing a post.

In writing, I know what I am doing.

In life – well.

Most of these posts on a Sunday are shower thoughts, or 2 to 3am musings when I should be sleeping. Sometimes they’ll hit me in the moment (like now) or I’ll plan out a topic, write, schedule and not think about it again until it’s published automatically by algorithms that know what they are doing. Sometimes they have a purpose – like reminding people that creativity is of great importance in the curriculum, or advice on how to get out of a procrastination loop – sometimes not so much, and I feel like this is going to be in the ‘not so much’, but here we are.

I have no idea what I am doing.

When it’s typed, staring back at me, it looks like a silly thing to say – or write – because right now, I am very aware that I am typing, that I’m living and breathing and thinking and occasionally sipping peppermint green tea. I’m at university, I’m studying, I’m socialising, I’m learning and expanding my horizons daily. I’m reading an insane amount of literature. I’m existing in a crazy world where I feel I have none of the control, but all of the control, and I am very good at looking like I sort of have my life together.

I have no idea what I am doing, but if I look at where I was this time last year, or the year before that compared to now, I see a line graph with time along the x-axis and happiness along the y and the readings suggest that as we move away from the point of this graph’s origin, although I have no idea what I’m doing, I am doing something right in terms of my mental health. I am, at least, moving in a forwards direction.

Perhaps this feeling of treading water at sea in a changeable climate stems from the fact I have no long term plan to transition into once this 4-year term has ended. The end of something has always, always been followed up by a certainty of something else: primary into secondary school, gcse’s into a-levels, a-levels into a gap year into work into uni into Korea into uni into dissertation. There has always been an inescapable certainty of ‘the next’, a pattern to prepare for and fall into and get marginally ahead with… and I don’t have that right now. I have a big sign of unknown in blinking neon, humming away on the current of my unconfirmed future as it lights up my peripheral vision whenever I chance a look at it. Hurtling along as the months count down in an ominously speedy fashion, 10 into 8 into 6 into 5, now 4, the only constant in an unpredictable equation is the passing of time and how many hours I need to be writing a day.

I have no idea what I’m doing but my reality is writing and reading and putting off the more important things and telling people that ‘yeah sure I’m looking into it’ when really I’m lost for career direction. I have no idea, really, what I could be doing, five, ten years from now. Which country will I be in, what will my job security be like? I know what I like doing, and someday hope to have people listen to the words that I am writing, or speaking despite my tiny voice. I have an idea but I don’t know how to go about getting there.

It’s thoughts like these that I’ve spent more and more time mulling over, to the point where I’ve decided that I need to be more present than speculative. So sod the future, for now. I have no idea what I’m doing but at this very moment that’s ok. It’ll work out in the wash and I should spend more time enjoying what is happening right this second.

I might have no idea what I’m doing but I’m content with that. I’m happy.

♥

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  1. Katie Hunter says

    February 21, 2016 at 6:14 pm

    I feel the same about all of this post. ALthough I haven't actually left sixth-form yet, I get this overwhelming fear of what am I doing at the end of all of this?I love putting my wild thoughts into blogposts-its kind of theraputic?!katie-louu.blogspot.co.uk

    Reply
  2. Martha Edwards says

    February 21, 2016 at 9:52 pm

    FII, this is amazing. 'I am, at least, moving in a forwards direction.' That provoked so many thoughts in me. I'm constantly panicking that my life is going nowhere, that I'm going to finish university and be at a roadblock, but I never thought about it in these terms before. Moving forwards is always better than staying still, right? xMartha Jane | http://www.marthajanemusic.com

    Reply
  3. Kelly Lund says

    February 22, 2016 at 12:56 am

    Really love this post! It's brave to admit you don't know what you're doing. We live in a world where everyone is supposed to know exactly what they're doing, where they're going and what they're going to do when they get there. It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes I feel like I'm really pretending I know what I'm doing, when really I lay awake at 2 am like you like "Fuck, what am I doing?"Anyway – great post. Love it!xoxo – Kellywww.dreaminlace.com

    Reply
  4. Michelle Katherine says

    February 22, 2016 at 9:50 am

    We love the way you write! You've captured something we think most people experience and are familiar with. Not many people know what they are doing, but that's ok. It takes time and even if you don't have a clear image or end goal, as long as your'e happy and content, then that's all that matters M + K Bloglovin 

    Reply
  5. Meg Siobhan says

    February 22, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    Can I be in love with a paragraph? Because that first one is fiyaaaah. I love it. I honestly do.I'm just in love with this entire post to be truthful. And like many of the folks have said here…you've managed to say exactly how so many of us are feeling, in a beautiful way. Thank you.Meg | A Little Twist Of…

    Reply
  6. Eleanor Hirst says

    February 22, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    I don't think anybody has any idea what they're doing. And if they do they're lying! My dad is still like 'What do I do with my life?' lol. Eleanor elleanorwears.com

    Reply
  7. EmsAlice says

    February 23, 2016 at 4:01 pm

    What a stunning post. I graduated university last year and I totally relate to what you said in this post. I have always known what is coming next and now I am completely in unknown graduate territory. I don't know what I am doing either xoEmily | emsalice.com

    Reply
  8. aimee cottle says

    February 26, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    I can relate to this post. So much. I came out of uni, nearly 5 years ago now, not knowing what I was doing; what I was going to do. And you know what? I still have no idea what I'm doing. I have a job, but I don't know if it's what I want to do forever. I have plans; ideas milling around in my brain that I have no idea how to make real, but maybe one day I'll find a way. Like you, I figure it will all come out in the wash. I like reading posts like these; it makes me feel less alone. x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

    Reply
  9. Aash's Little Talks says

    June 21, 2016 at 12:46 am

    i love these posts of yours, and you write so well, in a sophisticated but easy to understand way that people can relate to. I have so many plans but uncertainties for the future, but you're so right, enjoy the now and it will lead to a successful and happy future :)https://aashslittletalks.wordpress.com

    Reply
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fiixii

Seoul - fashion & skincare
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Fii 🐶 style inspo & kbeauty
#협찬 Using the right sunscreen for your skin ty #협찬 Using the right sunscreen for your skin type is *drum roll* actually very important -- and I'm not just talking about SPF levels for different skin tones. 

Choosing the right sunscreen helps to avoid irritation, breakouts, and makes you more likely to apply it regularly, which gives your skin the best chance at avoiding things like melanoma (skin cancer) and premature aging. 

Determining your skin type >>
For me, finding my skin type was super easy. S E N S I T I V E. I'm horrifically eczema prone (have a whole series on my blog about this), and lean towards a routine that is simple but hydrating, staying away from too many actives. It's the reason I take forever to put up skincare reviews, because I have to check for reactions, or develop contact dermatitis from different ingredients. 

BUT - that's not all. See, I lean towards Sensitive-dry, which is why my skin care, and my sun care, focuses more on hydrating products. 

What determines your skin type? How much oil (sebum) your skin produces daily. 

Dry >> 
Does your skin feel tight? Less elastic?  Does it become rough or flaky easily? Dehydrated? Not a lot of shine in your T-zone? Then your skin type is probably dry. 

Oily >>
Do you get really shiny during the day? (Especially in your t-zone) Do you suffer from (manageable*) breakouts, blackheads and/or whiteheads? Then your skin type is probably oily. 

Normal >> 
Is your skin neither oily throughout the day, and doesn't feel dry, or tight, or often irritated? Your pores aren't too noticeable, and you rarely have breakouts? Then your skin is probably normal! Lucky you :) 

Combination >>
Are you oily in your t-zone (forehead, nose, chin) and dry or normal skin on your cheeks? Then you have combination skin <3. It's a little harder to care for, because you're often trying to battle with contrasting products 
(my tip: you're gonna want a sunscreen that's suitable for 'all skin types' ;))

So, now you know more about skin types, scroll through for my picks for each, and my current favourite sun screen <3 

Let me know your skin type AND your current sun screen in the comments below, and don't forget to #applysunscreenaddprotection <3
벛꽃 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

📍 @seoulism_official 

☁️ ☀️ ☁️ ☀️ 
#벛꽃🌸 #seoulkorea #seoultravel #서울벚꽃 #잠실 #visitseoul
#협찬 Q: what’s the most important skincare s #협찬  Q: what’s the most important skincare step?
Fii’s answer: SUNSCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!! 

This is a question i get asked quite a bit, and my answer has been the same for ages. The step in my skincare I absolutely never skip is: sunscreen. 

So I’m really excited to be taking part in @wishtrend ‘s #ASAPchallenge: #applysunscreenaddprotection 😊 This challenge is to help build the habit of applying sunscreen DAILY for 5 weeks. It takes 28 days to form a habit.. so let’s do this together ^^ 

There are some great perks for wishtrend users for taking part with me too! For everyone who posts content during this challenge, you get 1,000 wishtrend points and 3 promo codes to pick up your favourite wishtrend products 😊 And!! we get to protect our skin from sun damage and early signs of aging 😚

what do you say? 
Also what’s your ‘never skip’ skincare step? 

☁️ ☀️ ☁️ ☀️ 
#wishtrend #koreansunscreen #sunscreen #spf #nurilounge #선케어 #kbeautyroutine #kbeautyblogger
월요팅 💪🏻 감사합니당 @jssa0_1 📷 월요팅 💪🏻 

감사합니당 @jssa0_1 📷 

⛅️ ☁️ ⛅️ 

#whatfiiwore #seoulfashionweek #styleinspiration #y2kaesthetic #softaesthetic #서울패션위크 #스타일 #여자스트릿패션 #외국인모델
lol but ghostly 

감사합니다 @_inho.w 

☁️ ⛅️ 
#서울패션위크 #외국인모델 #촬영문의dm #seoulfashionweek #whatfiiwore #styleinspo
when will my prince return from war 🙃🥲

☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ 🌧️ 
#한복스냅 #한복대여 #한복드레스 #한복촬영 #외국인모델 #seoultravel #seoulkorea #hanbokkorea #hanbokdress #hanbokrental #공가는여우 #패션위크 #촬영문의dm #촬영모델 #whatfiiwore #princesscore #princessaesthetic
hands up if you like cafes! 🙌🏻 hands up if y hands up if you like cafes! 🙌🏻 hands up if you like cafes with cute mascots 🙌🏻🤭🤭🤭 

then i have a cafe recommendation for you~~ 

this cute (deceptively large) place is @for_tourists_dotori_garden by Anguk station, and i had a great afternoon enjoying the atmosphere with great company and great baked goods and i’m not at all noting the aesthetics for my own future cafe 🤭

꿀팁 - if you search 분좋카 on instagram then you’ll find a bunch of very aesthetic cafes around seoul that all have a great atmosphere (분•위기 좋•은 카•페 = 분좋카) ❤️❤️ 

📌 dotori garden // 도토리가든 
🗺️ 서울 종로구 계동길 19-8 1층

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ ⛅️ 
#2023GlobalSeoulMate #2023GSM #VisitSeoul #SeoulYouniverse #Seoul #Korea #SeoulTourismOrganization #2023글로벌서울메이트 #서울관광재단 #서울 #분좋카 #분좋카추천 #seoulcafe #서울카페
changing room mirror selfies and a tiny headed bea changing room mirror selfies and a tiny headed bear. 🐻 

(yay for no winter coat weather) 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

#패션룩 #whatfiiwore #패션코디 #패션모델 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #룩북모델 #룩스타 #룩스타스램 #옷스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타그램daily #패션블로거 #촬영문의 #데일리룩 #데일리룩코디 #외국인모델 #stylehunters #stylefiles #ig_korea #fashionkorea #stylebloggers
{ #ad #협찬 #gifted } Vegan skincare is on the r { #ad #협찬 #gifted }
Vegan skincare is on the rise, and I received these beautiful Vegan Lip Butters from @melixirskincare_kr ❤️
Melixir is vegan, sustainable, and cruelty free, that has a range of products that are great for sensitive skin like mine :) 

I’m absolutely loving the easy wearability of “04 Dewy Rose”, and the agave infused formula is great for my lips (guess who doesn’t drink enough water…). 

“05 Red Velvet” is a buildable red, that isn’t too harsh or bright for those days you want a little colour, but don’t want to faff about with lip liners ❤️

📌 you can find melixir products at Amazon (worldwide), or if you’re in Korea, Olive Young and Melixir’s website ❤️

What’s your favourite lip product these days? 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

#melixir_veganskincare #melixir #멜릭서 #veganskincare #veganlipbutter #crueltyfreeskincare #veganproducts #스킨케어 #skincarereview #beautyreview #koreanskincare #kbeautyreview #kbeautyroutine #kbeautyblogger
👸 👑 (hanbok from @palace.fox - my #1 rec f 👸 👑 

(hanbok from @palace.fox - my #1 rec for hanbok rental ❤️) 

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ 
#한복대여 #한복드레스 #한복스타그램 #한복스냅 #whatfiiwore #hanbokkorea #hanbokdress #hanbokrental #palacefox #데일리원피스 #경복궁한복대여 #visitseoul #스타일 #여성한복 #visitkorea #princessaesthetic #princesscore #princesscoreaesthetic #softgirlaesthetic #softgirlstyle #궁가는여우
we went blonde 💅👸 ☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ # we went blonde 💅👸 

☁️ ☁️ ⛅️ 

#whatfiiwore
#협찬 #광고 skincare for glowing skin when yo #협찬 #광고  skincare for glowing skin when you don’t have time for extensive routines? i’m loving the @klairs.global fundamental line :) 

named because it’s formulated to take care of your skin’s fundamental needs, this is a great line to reach for when you’re busy, or just need something simple to satisfy your skin. 

cream: 
the fundamental water gel cream is super light weight for easy absorption into the skin. it’s packed with green tea for vitamin e, antioxidants and calming, which with the way my eczema has been recently i def need.

mist: 
the fundamental ampule mist os a great product to have to top up when your skin is feeling dry, or as layered with 7 skins. it’s got so many nutrients to make your skin feel refreshed and hydrated. 

eye cream
i’m always a bit hmm over eye creams that don’t have actives (like retinol or derivatives) but i’ve been reading about the benefits of using peptides for the under-eye area specifically and i’m not saying the results are magic, but i’ve seen an improvement when i’ve been using peptide formulated products in that area. so. jury is still out but i’m not mad. 
#the formula of this cream is also super thick and creamy so it feels really nourishing 😇🫶 

overall it’s been a great experience so far, and it’s definitely made me remember why i liked klairs products way back when i started blogging ❤️

products courtesy of @wishtrend via @nurilounge.official ❤️❤️

#skincare #kbeauty #kskincare #skincarereels #veganbeauty #veganskincare #dearklairs #스킨케어 #dearklairs #klairs #skincare #kbeauty #kbrand #nurilounge #mynurilounge
✨ fiicore ✨ the princess / abandoned castle ✨ fiicore ✨ 

the princess / abandoned castle vibes are strong here

⛅️ ☁️ clouds

#reels #reelstrend #reelstrends #coreaesthetic #princesscore #princesscoreaesthetic #softgirlaesthetic #softgirl
things i carry on the daily: 💼 @marhen.j kai things i carry on the daily: 

💼 @marhen.j  kai bag in urban black 
beauty products 
@romandyou waterfit cushion 
@keepintouch_makeup jelly lip plumper in bloody wine 
@espoir_makeup water splash cica tone up sun cream 

ipad cover is from @from.pick 

not pictured: work badge -,-, lip balm, assorted receipts 😅

🐰 🐰 🐰 🐰 
#stylereels #whatsinmybag #whatsinmybagtoday #marhenj #마르헨제이 #스타일링 #가방스타그램 #패션블로거 #패션블로그 #패션스타그램 #fashionstyle #fashionreels #fashionreelscreator #fashionstylereels
새해 복 많이 바드세용~ 🐰 happy lunar 새해 복 많이 바드세용~ 
🐰 
happy lunar new year from me and the floof and the personal growth we’ve been doing so far this month ☺️😊😌

🐰 🐰 🐰 
#corgisofinstagram #웰시코기 #웰코 #웰시코기그램 #corgistagram #corgisrule #corgigram #corgipost #코기러브
i don’t do these challenges but this was one cut i don’t do these challenges but this was one cute 

☁️ #reelschallenge
#kawaikutegomen #고멘챌린지 #릴스댄스 #릴스챌린지
pov: you’re cafe hopping in seoul ❤️ tell pov: you’re cafe hopping in seoul ❤️ 

tell me a place and a time and i’ll come to hang out ❤️🥰 

📍 cafe seongbukro/ @seongbukro 
it’s beautiful~~~ 

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ 
#cafetour #cafétour #seoulcafe #seoulcafehopping #whatfiiwore 
#서울카페 #서울카페추천 #카페릴스 #retroaesthetic
finally got a silky wrap skirt and it makes me fee finally got a silky wrap skirt and it makes me feel like i’m about to go to barre again 🩰 

skirt @dollsattitude 

☁️ ⛅️ ☁️ 

 #whatfiiwore #패션그램 #패션코디 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타 #패션블로그 #패션블로거 #오오티디 #데일리룩 #옷스타그램 #cottagecoreaeathetic #softgirlstyle #fashionkorea #옷스타그램daily #wearingtoday #ootdpost #outfitblog #outfitidea #todayiwore #mystylediary #mylooktoday #discoverunder7k #dollsattitude
2022 was uh… a year (if u saw me trying to pos 2022 was uh… a year 

(if u saw me trying to post this already, no u didn’t 😂😂🤡🤡🤡🤡) 

☁️ ⛅️ ⛅️ ☁️ 
#2022년 #2023 #2022roundup
when ur as excited for coffee as u are for christm when ur as excited for coffee as u are for christmas and also music show broadcasts bc i am that girl now 😌😌😌😌😌 u only live once and all ✌️ 
merry holidays i hope ur day is merry and bright ⛄️ 

☁️ ⛅️ ⛅️ 🌧️ 

#크리스마스 #크리스마스코디 #whatfiiwore #성북동카페 #데일리코디 #데일리룩코디 #일상옷 #패션그램 #패션코디 #패션스램 #룩스타그램 #옷스타그램일상 #옷스타 #패션블로그 #패션블로거 #오오티디 #데일리룩 #옷스타그램 #stylehunters #fashionkorea #옷스타그램daily #whattowear #유튜버  #wearingtoday #ootdpost  #atinyselcaday #에이티니
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